Saturday, March 10, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
3.8
This week I am 3.8 lbs down! Yay!!! Please keep praying for me. Especially since I realize I want to eat according to my emotions. This week I made different choices and was more active in general though I only had one "real" exercise day this week.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
1.8
Tuesday's are my weigh in days. I am down 1.8 lbs from last week. Yet I didn't track my eating but I did exercise 5 days in a row. Thanks for praying for me. Please keep praying. I still have lots and lots to go. The journey has just begun.💪
Get it together
Okay so I have hit that point in my life once again. Where I feel overwhelmed by all that I am trying to work on at once. Have you ever been there? It's kinda depressing if you loose your eternal perspective,right? I know!
Hopeless at times.
Not to say that I am hopeless nor that I feel hopeless. Just the fact that it's overwhelming and it is easy to feel hopeless. If you remember the reason for seeking to improve in the areas you fall short and the one who is able to and more than capable to change you, joy is inevitable.
So here I am feeling like a failure at all my attempts in the MANY areas in my life where I am desperately seeking to change and improve for the sake of all who surround me. All I can say is... Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you for loving me, a BIG TIME mess. Thank you for the abundant blessings which are all so undeserved. Thank you for your kindness through those who are around me and the strangers who don't know me. Thank you for providing the endless supply of information at my finger tips that aide in growth and knowledge. Thank you for friends who are great examples to me in the areas where I fall short. Thank you for giving me a Husband who is perfect for me and who meets me where I am, like you. Thank you that He is the perfect companion and leader for me. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
That said and I feel like the little engine that could. Though I may stall in this journey on my way to the goals set before me. It's time to just "get it together".
I don't know what I am good at. I don't know what gifts I have. All I know is, that I ,dear friends am trying to get it together. I am trying and trying to do things as silly as ... Get to places on time. Excersize. Get organized. Learn to budget. Learn to clean faster. manage my time. Learn to hold my tongue and think before speaking. Learn to Parent, Learn to be a good wife to my Husband. Learn to be a better follower of Christ. Learn to be more hospitable. Learn to eat and cook healthier. Learn stuff to teach my little ones, learn to control myself and my emotions. Learn... Learn... Learn.
So for my friends and loved ones. I pray that God will strengthen you today, give you courage, self control, and help you to conform more into his likeness. May you show love to all who you encounter and extend grace and mercy. Most of all may you pray with fervor for those you know and those you don't.
So that is my mind this week.
xoxo,
Lola
Hopeless at times.
Not to say that I am hopeless nor that I feel hopeless. Just the fact that it's overwhelming and it is easy to feel hopeless. If you remember the reason for seeking to improve in the areas you fall short and the one who is able to and more than capable to change you, joy is inevitable.
So here I am feeling like a failure at all my attempts in the MANY areas in my life where I am desperately seeking to change and improve for the sake of all who surround me. All I can say is... Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you for loving me, a BIG TIME mess. Thank you for the abundant blessings which are all so undeserved. Thank you for your kindness through those who are around me and the strangers who don't know me. Thank you for providing the endless supply of information at my finger tips that aide in growth and knowledge. Thank you for friends who are great examples to me in the areas where I fall short. Thank you for giving me a Husband who is perfect for me and who meets me where I am, like you. Thank you that He is the perfect companion and leader for me. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
That said and I feel like the little engine that could. Though I may stall in this journey on my way to the goals set before me. It's time to just "get it together".
I don't know what I am good at. I don't know what gifts I have. All I know is, that I ,dear friends am trying to get it together. I am trying and trying to do things as silly as ... Get to places on time. Excersize. Get organized. Learn to budget. Learn to clean faster. manage my time. Learn to hold my tongue and think before speaking. Learn to Parent, Learn to be a good wife to my Husband. Learn to be a better follower of Christ. Learn to be more hospitable. Learn to eat and cook healthier. Learn stuff to teach my little ones, learn to control myself and my emotions. Learn... Learn... Learn.
So for my friends and loved ones. I pray that God will strengthen you today, give you courage, self control, and help you to conform more into his likeness. May you show love to all who you encounter and extend grace and mercy. Most of all may you pray with fervor for those you know and those you don't.
So that is my mind this week.
xoxo,
Lola
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Thankful
I am in a totally sentimental mood so here I go opening up my heart and soul to the world wide web again. Lol!
I am in a state of utter gratitude and very overwhelmed with it. Why? Because I have been blessed with the most wonderful, loyal, and loving friends. I don't have many but the ones that I do have are precious jewels. I am so thankful to have you as my "friends" and the truth is I am all the better because God placed you in my life. Thank you for being my all weather friend.
I think I may start a little tribute to the amazing people God places in my life and the mark they have made in it. I think it is so important to let others know just what they mean to you. You just never know how many days we have together and I really believe in seizing the opportunity.
I am in a state of utter gratitude and very overwhelmed with it. Why? Because I have been blessed with the most wonderful, loyal, and loving friends. I don't have many but the ones that I do have are precious jewels. I am so thankful to have you as my "friends" and the truth is I am all the better because God placed you in my life. Thank you for being my all weather friend.
I think I may start a little tribute to the amazing people God places in my life and the mark they have made in it. I think it is so important to let others know just what they mean to you. You just never know how many days we have together and I really believe in seizing the opportunity.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Valentines day!!!
Hope you have a wonderful love filled day! We had a Valentine kids party with friends and my neighbor and Awana kids. It was so much fun! Here are some pictures. 
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
a little piece of my heart
Hi friends and family... whom ever takes the time to read this blog. Lola here.
I thought I would get a little candid with you. Okay when am I not sharing something, right? Maybe too much info most of the time.
It is such a blessing to be able to know that we are never stagnant in this life. We are always in a state of movement and hopefully it's a growth not a regression. I am so thankful that change is possible with God. So so so thankful. I rejoice that He changes the heart and moves the hearts of people. I pray daily for growth and change in my own heart.
One thing that is an obvious struggle for me is my weight. I have always battled my weight but over the past 9 years the battle has been one that I had given up fighting for. I prayed for God's help and all, but nothing changed except my weight increasing. Now we all know that God is not a silent God. He never NOT answers a prayer, and he is not concerned in the outer appearance but His concern is the heart and soul of a person. I am so thankful to have a God who loves me not for the wretch and mess that I am but that loves me because of Jesus Christ and him sanctified. Okay... rambling a bit. I know. Just bare with me as I share a piece of my heart with you.
11 years ago I was raped.A part of me died that day and I became a different person. When God brought me to himself I was a total mental mess and just wanted to die and used drugs in secret hopes that I would one day overdose and this miserable life I had ,would end. I knew that I couldn't kill myself because I had not only tried before, but also had a surgery where I flat lined and was brought back to life. I found myself praying to God not sure if there was a God or if he would even listen to my prayer. So I prayed "If there is a God and you can hear me and there is a life better than this, then please show me because if this is life I don't want to live it anymore".
He did end my life as I knew it. Not the way I thought it would end,thankfully. He brought me to the end of myself and to the feet of Jesus. As I prayed the night I was saved, I was reminded that there is a God and that Jesus is that God and that He really did die on that cross and for MY sins. Jesus really did resurrect and that He is in heaven right now and will come back soon. I also knew I had nothing! Absolutely nothing to give to God, nothing good in me to offer, but what I could do and would do is follow him in where ever he would lead me and do what ever He wanted me to do.
That day my life changed. I was a new creation and God did lead me immediately after that night. He led me to an amazing church that taught the bible and only what is in the bible. He led me to work in an environment where I was able to grow spiritually and be surrounded by grace. He lead me to my Husband who loves me just the way I am, flaws and all.
This amazing Living God, who forgives and gives abundant grace and mercy wanted me to do the same for others.
I thought I had forgiven this man who had raped me years ago. It wasn't until this past October when this man found me on facebook and tried to befriend me that I realized what was in my heart hidden for so many years and has hindered me.
I had forgiven him and just set aside what had happened. I treated it as an incident that happens to some people, like divorce. That is how I mentally dealt.I mean I know that bad things happen to people all the time and that I am not in a unique situation by no means. I could state and accept that it happened. Though I still struggled with flash backs that would pop up out of the blue. I chose not to go beyond that. Well, that fateful day in October of 2011, was a very emotional day. I cried and got very angry. I felt feelings I didn't realize I had. I know I shouldn't be ruled by emotion but, God created emotions and did so for a reason. Always to brings us back to Him.( I will explain this and then go back to my story.)
God allows us to have emotions for several reasons. One is to understand Him. Though anger is sin God's anger is not. It is perfect wrath,because God can not sin. His wrath is against one thing SIN. GOD can not be around sin, because he is holy and perfect. Without blemish. His love is perfect and without fault and never fails us. He loved us so much that He himself provided the solution to sin by coming to earth himself and being born as a man for one purpose, to be the PERFECT sacrifice to pay the price for sin. EVERYONE's sin,that ever lived and will live. My anger is selfish not selfless. It is stemed from pride with a feeling of entitlement. That is not like God's anger at all but it does bring me back to him to repent and to seek change to be more like him. Which is the other reason for emotions. To bring us back to HIM.
Now I am no theologian nor am I stating this as fact but just my mere opinion from my personal experience of how God works in my own heart through my emotions. The emotion of joy helps me understand his joy and brings me back to God with thanksgiving and praise. Sadness helps me understand the sadness He felt and feels when we sin against Him and brings me back to him for solice and mending. Make any sense?
Okay so back to my story... So I felt angry.SO angry and so hurt. Afraid. Sad. Angry. I sobbed and prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Sometimes not even knowing what to say but just pouring it all out to my amazing GOD. I asked God for forgiveness for being angry and feeling entitled, like "How dare he!" The Gall!!! I asked for forgiveness for being prideful and having such wrath inside me that wanted retribution. That is when God reminded me of this verse: "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
(Romans 12:19 ESV)
And what wrath that is! right? I mean I don't want to have to face God's wrath and thanks to Jesus Christ dying on the cross for my sins I don't. And I know that at the end of our lives we must all be accountable for what we've done. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.
(2 Corinthians 5:10 ESV)
So I began to pray for his salvation and that God would bring him to repent of his sins and to himself. Now I know that wasn't of me but of God's own doing in me to pray for him. So don't get it twisted.
I also started praying for God to fix and heal me. For His help,because he knows me better than I know myself.
The days to follow, as I asked God for help, He brought this out to light. I hold fear in my heart. I am sooooooooooooooo afraid and my fears show in many aspects of my life. Some I know of... Yet there was one I didn't know of, that has impacted my life without my realization in a MAJOR way.
You see when I was raped I was on a weight loss journey. I was going to sign a record deal but in order for there to be a deal I had to meet a specific weight requirement. I was the smallest I had ever been in my life 120 lbs.
Now you must be wondering what my fear was or is. So here it is... I associated my being thin with weakness. I was not able to fight the man off of me. So if I am thin I will be prey to a predator and I will lose. Now imagine that fear added to the wanting to protect my daughters. What a mess! I know!
False fear! Sabotaging fear! SINful fear!
I must and WILL trust THE LORD! So this is what I am fighting against in my heart right now. Fear and Anger that seek to want to make my heart it's home. Where I am seeking to evict them from my heart and am fighting against it for my life.
So here I am OBESE and physically speaking ,my worst nightmare come true. I am sick, physically sick and have been for awhile. Not with diabetes, thank God. I don't have high blood pressure.
I do have pain daily and have stopped taking pain pills because they are ruining my liver. I have extremely low vitamin levels and deal with other health problems that cause me to be unable to function like a normal human being.
Now I don't want to to think, oh... Poor LOLA. No! Please. I shared my story for you to pray for me. I hope it might do some good to share this. I also share this not to be judged but to open the door for prayer, advice and maybe an exercise buddy or something. I would love recipes and to learn to eat healthy.I am making a conscious effort to change and fighting this fight. I would love support and encouragement.
I don't want to be sick anymore. I don't want to waste my life away. I want to LIVE.
Thanks to a wonderful friend that God placed in my life I am not alone in starting Weight Watchers and just passed my first month on it and... guess what!?!?! I am 9.6 lbs down. This is only the beginning of this journey. I look forward to closing this chapter and starting a new one.
Thanks for reading.
I thought I would get a little candid with you. Okay when am I not sharing something, right? Maybe too much info most of the time.
It is such a blessing to be able to know that we are never stagnant in this life. We are always in a state of movement and hopefully it's a growth not a regression. I am so thankful that change is possible with God. So so so thankful. I rejoice that He changes the heart and moves the hearts of people. I pray daily for growth and change in my own heart.
One thing that is an obvious struggle for me is my weight. I have always battled my weight but over the past 9 years the battle has been one that I had given up fighting for. I prayed for God's help and all, but nothing changed except my weight increasing. Now we all know that God is not a silent God. He never NOT answers a prayer, and he is not concerned in the outer appearance but His concern is the heart and soul of a person. I am so thankful to have a God who loves me not for the wretch and mess that I am but that loves me because of Jesus Christ and him sanctified. Okay... rambling a bit. I know. Just bare with me as I share a piece of my heart with you.
11 years ago I was raped.A part of me died that day and I became a different person. When God brought me to himself I was a total mental mess and just wanted to die and used drugs in secret hopes that I would one day overdose and this miserable life I had ,would end. I knew that I couldn't kill myself because I had not only tried before, but also had a surgery where I flat lined and was brought back to life. I found myself praying to God not sure if there was a God or if he would even listen to my prayer. So I prayed "If there is a God and you can hear me and there is a life better than this, then please show me because if this is life I don't want to live it anymore".
He did end my life as I knew it. Not the way I thought it would end,thankfully. He brought me to the end of myself and to the feet of Jesus. As I prayed the night I was saved, I was reminded that there is a God and that Jesus is that God and that He really did die on that cross and for MY sins. Jesus really did resurrect and that He is in heaven right now and will come back soon. I also knew I had nothing! Absolutely nothing to give to God, nothing good in me to offer, but what I could do and would do is follow him in where ever he would lead me and do what ever He wanted me to do.
That day my life changed. I was a new creation and God did lead me immediately after that night. He led me to an amazing church that taught the bible and only what is in the bible. He led me to work in an environment where I was able to grow spiritually and be surrounded by grace. He lead me to my Husband who loves me just the way I am, flaws and all.
This amazing Living God, who forgives and gives abundant grace and mercy wanted me to do the same for others.
I thought I had forgiven this man who had raped me years ago. It wasn't until this past October when this man found me on facebook and tried to befriend me that I realized what was in my heart hidden for so many years and has hindered me.
I had forgiven him and just set aside what had happened. I treated it as an incident that happens to some people, like divorce. That is how I mentally dealt.I mean I know that bad things happen to people all the time and that I am not in a unique situation by no means. I could state and accept that it happened. Though I still struggled with flash backs that would pop up out of the blue. I chose not to go beyond that. Well, that fateful day in October of 2011, was a very emotional day. I cried and got very angry. I felt feelings I didn't realize I had. I know I shouldn't be ruled by emotion but, God created emotions and did so for a reason. Always to brings us back to Him.( I will explain this and then go back to my story.)
God allows us to have emotions for several reasons. One is to understand Him. Though anger is sin God's anger is not. It is perfect wrath,because God can not sin. His wrath is against one thing SIN. GOD can not be around sin, because he is holy and perfect. Without blemish. His love is perfect and without fault and never fails us. He loved us so much that He himself provided the solution to sin by coming to earth himself and being born as a man for one purpose, to be the PERFECT sacrifice to pay the price for sin. EVERYONE's sin,that ever lived and will live. My anger is selfish not selfless. It is stemed from pride with a feeling of entitlement. That is not like God's anger at all but it does bring me back to him to repent and to seek change to be more like him. Which is the other reason for emotions. To bring us back to HIM.
Now I am no theologian nor am I stating this as fact but just my mere opinion from my personal experience of how God works in my own heart through my emotions. The emotion of joy helps me understand his joy and brings me back to God with thanksgiving and praise. Sadness helps me understand the sadness He felt and feels when we sin against Him and brings me back to him for solice and mending. Make any sense?
Okay so back to my story... So I felt angry.SO angry and so hurt. Afraid. Sad. Angry. I sobbed and prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Sometimes not even knowing what to say but just pouring it all out to my amazing GOD. I asked God for forgiveness for being angry and feeling entitled, like "How dare he!" The Gall!!! I asked for forgiveness for being prideful and having such wrath inside me that wanted retribution. That is when God reminded me of this verse: "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
(Romans 12:19 ESV)
And what wrath that is! right? I mean I don't want to have to face God's wrath and thanks to Jesus Christ dying on the cross for my sins I don't. And I know that at the end of our lives we must all be accountable for what we've done. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.
(2 Corinthians 5:10 ESV)
So I began to pray for his salvation and that God would bring him to repent of his sins and to himself. Now I know that wasn't of me but of God's own doing in me to pray for him. So don't get it twisted.
I also started praying for God to fix and heal me. For His help,because he knows me better than I know myself.
The days to follow, as I asked God for help, He brought this out to light. I hold fear in my heart. I am sooooooooooooooo afraid and my fears show in many aspects of my life. Some I know of... Yet there was one I didn't know of, that has impacted my life without my realization in a MAJOR way.
You see when I was raped I was on a weight loss journey. I was going to sign a record deal but in order for there to be a deal I had to meet a specific weight requirement. I was the smallest I had ever been in my life 120 lbs.
Now you must be wondering what my fear was or is. So here it is... I associated my being thin with weakness. I was not able to fight the man off of me. So if I am thin I will be prey to a predator and I will lose. Now imagine that fear added to the wanting to protect my daughters. What a mess! I know!
False fear! Sabotaging fear! SINful fear!
I must and WILL trust THE LORD! So this is what I am fighting against in my heart right now. Fear and Anger that seek to want to make my heart it's home. Where I am seeking to evict them from my heart and am fighting against it for my life.
So here I am OBESE and physically speaking ,my worst nightmare come true. I am sick, physically sick and have been for awhile. Not with diabetes, thank God. I don't have high blood pressure.
I do have pain daily and have stopped taking pain pills because they are ruining my liver. I have extremely low vitamin levels and deal with other health problems that cause me to be unable to function like a normal human being.
Now I don't want to to think, oh... Poor LOLA. No! Please. I shared my story for you to pray for me. I hope it might do some good to share this. I also share this not to be judged but to open the door for prayer, advice and maybe an exercise buddy or something. I would love recipes and to learn to eat healthy.I am making a conscious effort to change and fighting this fight. I would love support and encouragement.
I don't want to be sick anymore. I don't want to waste my life away. I want to LIVE.
Thanks to a wonderful friend that God placed in my life I am not alone in starting Weight Watchers and just passed my first month on it and... guess what!?!?! I am 9.6 lbs down. This is only the beginning of this journey. I look forward to closing this chapter and starting a new one.
Thanks for reading.
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